i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
