i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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