Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
