i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
