We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
