I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
