Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
