i was rollin on her like bob the builder
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
