i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
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I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
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Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I am one with the molecules
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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