I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
