my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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