woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
