my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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