I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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