You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
