Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
