Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
