I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
