i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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