The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
