i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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