I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
