NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
