Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
