I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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