I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
