I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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