i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
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