He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I came so hard my ears popped.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
