Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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