I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
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