I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
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We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
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Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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