I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
