DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea