You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize