Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
