The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
