Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
