I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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