Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
