so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
