brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
