Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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