All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
