The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
