i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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