try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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