I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
