I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
