I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
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