Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
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