I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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