The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize