dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
time to smoke my breakfast
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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