She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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