I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
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