Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
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