i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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