So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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